Thursday, February 18, 2021

Love


 


Love

1 Corinthians 13


Valentine’s Day is not an official holiday in any nation, yet it is celebrated worldwide. Valentine’s Day is recognized for its celebration of love and affection. Mass-produced cards saying “Be My Valentine” are passed around in our schools, and we see hearts and cupids during this time as symbols of romantic love. 


Courtship and marriage are where we experience romantic love. The Bible book “Song of Solomon” is dedicated to the passions of romance. Interpreted in the context of the relationship between a man and a woman, Song of Solomon can be rather explicit. Romance of this kind is exciting and causes our hearts to race. 


Some of the tamer expressions of the Song of Solomon are as follows:

Song of Solomon 2:2–3 (NKJV) [man speaking] 2Like a lily among thorns,

So is my love among the daughters.


[woman speaking] 3Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods,

So is my beloved among the sons.

I sat down in his shade with great delight,

And his fruit was sweet to my taste. 


Song of Solomon 4:1–2 (NKJV) [man speaking] 1Behold, you are fair, my love!

Behold, you are fair!

You have dove’s eyes behind your veil.

Your hair is like a flock of goats,

Going down from Mount Gilead.

2Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep

Which have come up from the washing,


Song of Solomon 5:14–15 (NKJV): [woman speaking] 14His hands are rods of gold

Set with beryl.

His body is carved ivory

Inlaid with sapphires.

15His legs are pillars of marble

Set on bases of fine gold.


These passages are some of the milder parts of the romance, and they have some expressions that we no longer use, but I am sure they were very romantic at the time. Truthfully though, I have never told my wife that her teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep. 


This Biblical romance is included in the Scriptures, and following this example, we must continue to woo and pursue our spouses throughout our relationship. However, I want to speak today about another type of love. The love that Song of Solomon shows us is erotic love, from the Greek word “eros.” “Eros” is what brings couples together, and it is more exciting than alcohol or drugs. Because of this excitement factor, the world focuses on “eros.” Much of our entertainment centers around “eros.” Pornography flourishes and is a multibillion-dollar industry because we are hard-wired to respond to the physical stimulants of “eros.” 


However, “eros” is not enough. Don’t misunderstand me! “Eros” is one of several Greek words for “love,” and is vital to the marriage relationship. In the context of marriage, it is not sinful in the least. In fact, in marriage, it is a duty. 


The problem is that over time the excitement wears off. The legs that were pillars become more like bald toothpicks, and the teeth that were like shorn sheep have to be removed by the dentist.


We all know this, but we are so inundated with the Hollywood version of love that we fall into the trap of mistaking feelings for true love. 


We know better! 


We know that another kind of love is required to maintain our relationships. The Greek word for this other kind of love is “agape.” We all long for “agape,” and many mistakenly try to find it in “eros.” But it does not work. “Eros” and “Agape” are not the same. 


The Bible defines “agape” for us in 1 Corinthians 13, and Jesus demonstrated “agape” for us through His life and sacrifice on our behalf. Let’s take a brief look at how love is defined for us in 1 Corinthians 13.


First, 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 tells us the importance of love. Essentially, it tells us that nothing is more important than love. As we read this passage of Scripture together, think about the essential nature of love.

1 Corinthians 13:1–3 (NKJV) 1Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 2And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.


Just before this chapter, Corinthians teaches about the use and place of spiritual gifts in the Church. Spiritual gifts are the power of God at work through human instruments to build the Body of Christ. Tongues, or languages, are necessary to reach the lost, encourage each other, and teach the truth. Our tongues set us apart from the beasts of the field. We communicate by means of our tongues. Speach is a powerful tool especially when empowered by the Holy Spirit. But according to verse 1, without love, tongues are useless. 


The end of chapter 12 proclaims prophecy to be a greater gift than tongues. Prophecy is the proclamation of the word of God and has the power to transform the world. However, according to verse 2, without love, even prophecy means nothing.


Without faith is is impossible to please God, but Jesus taught that if we have even faith as small as a mustard seed, we can move mountains. Faith is powerful because of its object. Faith in an infinite God is infinitely powerful. And, even such faith is said to be worthless without love.


Finally, giving one’s life for others is the ultimate expression of love, but self-sacrifice for selfish motives is possible. The terrorist that flew planes into the world trade center towers sacrificed themselves, but they are not examples of love. Without love, no amount of sacrifice or service is of any use. According to 1 Corinthians 13 sacrifice is said to profit nothing if it is without love.


Love is just as important for couples. In our marriages, nothing can take the place of love. Providing a lovely house, expensive cars, and fabulous vacations are all meaningless without love. Loveless marriages are common, but these are not happy marriages. An often-quoted statistic is that over half of all marriages end in divorce. These divorces happen for myriads of reasons, but the root cause is the absence of love. We can assume that most of these marriages started out with hot, passionate romantic love. However, without “Agape,” they could not be sustained.


So, what makes “Agape” love so special? 


1 Corinthians 13:4-7 answers this question when it tells us how love behaves. These verses tell us what love does. The actions and attitudes of love make it  critical to life and marriage, more necessary than “eros.”

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (NKJV) 4Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


Most of us will admit that we are not perfect. In our imperfection, we hurt the ones closest to us. Living near another, we must often ask forgiveness and acknowledge that we have failed. Somethings we need to be forgiven over and over as we repeatedly stumble and fall. Consider the selfless nature of love described here in these verses from 1 Corinthians. I, personally, am most moved by the thought that love does not seek its own because I see how much I hurt my family and my spouse when I am selfish.


Jesus is our example. He was despised and rejected by men, and yet He gave His life for them. Putting up with another human being is discouraging at times, so we are encouraged to think about Jesus’ example.

Hebrews 12:3 (NKJV) For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls.


This verse from Hebrews speaks of the hostility Jesus endured. Some marriages break down to the point where open hostility is expressed, but this should not be the case. Love does not seek its own, is not provoked, and does not behave rudely. When we act rudely, selfishly, and angrily, saying “I love you” is meaningless. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us how love behaves, and we should use it as a measuring stick to see how we are doing, but not as a club to beat our spouses in submission. Love suffers long and is kind. It is not provoked. 


Marriage requires love. Looking at the standard of love here in 1 Corinthians, it is evident that we all fail. So, we are confronted with the choice of forgiving or not. Ephesians 4:32 says:

Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV) And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.


Love is kind, compassionate, and forgiving. While this does not sound romantic, romance cannot continue without this kind of love. But the question may arise, “How can we maintain such an attitude?”


After telling us of the importance of love and how love behaves, 1 Corinthians 13 tells us something more about love — it lasts forever.

1 Corinthians 13:8 (NKJV) Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.


“Love never fails!” How is it that so many marriages end because they just don’t love each other anymore? It seems that our world accepts the premise that love does not last forever and that happily ever after is for fairy tales. In contrast to this, 1 Corinthians proclaims that love never fails.


The answer we see in our culture is “true love!” However, consistent with the world’s focus on “eros,” true love is portrayed as some version of fiery romance. But, is love a feeling? Feelings do not last forever.


We can understand this more when we recall that God requires love. He demands that we love Him with all our mind, soul, and strength. He also commands that we love our neighbor as ourselves. If love were a feeling, these commands would be impossible to obey. We cannot turn our emotions on and off, as feelings come and go. In contrast to this, the behaviors of love described in 1 Corinthians are things that we can choose to do.


We can choose whether or not we are rude, provoked, envious, or proud. We can choose to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things.


We always have a choice. We will not be perfect until heaven, but a time is coming when we will be conformed to the image of Jesus. 1 John 3 tells us:

1 John 3:2 (NKJV) Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. 


As God’s children, we are being conformed to the image of Christ. The Body of Christ, other people, and our spouses are God’s gift to us in the transformation process. We hear, “Iron sharpens iron,” and we realize that this sharpening happens through friction and grinding. Sometimes the friction is enough to produce sparks. True love grows in such circumstances. 1 Corinthians 13 tells us about the goal of the process that God is taking us through.

1 Corinthians 13:9–12 (NKJV) 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.


11When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

 

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Conflict


Ephesians 4:1-3


Dr. Emerson Eggerich wrote a book titled Love & Respect.” The book centers around Ephesians 5:33.

Ephesians 5:33 (NKJV) Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.


As I understand it, and it has been a long while since I read the book, Dr. Eggerich builds his marriage philosophy around the man and the womans differing needs. Men need respect. Women need love. If a woman wishes to motivate her husband, showing him respect is the magic bullet. If a man wants to motivate his wife, showing her love is the trick.


This is an oversimplification, but considering he wrote a whole book and I have written just a paragraph, I think I have done a pretty good job. There is truth in what Dr. Eggerich says, but it can also be a problem. For example, love and respect can become weapons. 


If you showed me more love, I would show you more respect.”


Oh yah! Well, if you showed me more respect, I would find it easier to love you.”


Ephesians 5:33 comes toward the end of the book of Ephesians after a lot has already been said. The call to love and respect is part of the conclusion of the letter. For example, this call to love and respect assumes we have understood the privileged position we have as followers of Christ expounded in the first three chapters of Ephesians. The love and respect between husband and wife are part of putting Ephesians 4:1-3 into practice. Ephesians 4:1-3 tells us:

Ephesians 4:1–3 (NKJV) 1I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.


These verses are the introduction to the teachings of chapters 4 through 6. Chapters 1 through 3 of Ephesians are theological and form the foundation for the instructions of chapters 4 through 6, which represent the practical results of the theology. Our position as children of God, blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, has practical implications for all of our relationships. Love and respect are part of these practical implications. As the foundation, Ephesians 4:1-3 contains the fundamental truths behind all that follows. In other words, humility, gentleness, patience, kindness, and love are what walking in a manner worthy of our calling is about. Love and respect come from an attitude of humility, gentleness, patience, kindness, and love. 


If we all were perfect in love, we would not have battles in our marriages. But, this is not the case. We have battles that center around conflicts. For our purposes today, I am defining conflict as differences, either of opinion or desires. My aim is to address the fights and wars that arise out of these conflicts.


Renowned marital expert Dr. John Gottman suggests that all marital conflicts fall into one of two categories. Either the conflict is resolvable, or it is perpetual. Statistically, he has found that 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual, meaning that they will never go away.1 The perpetual category includes things like one partner wants children and the other doesnt, one partner wants to stay home, and the other wants to travel, one partner is neat, and the other is sloppy, and many variations of this kind. These differences usually last a lifetime, and how we handle them can make or break a marriage. Conflicts of this nature have nothing to do with love. We can love our spouse completely and still have difficulty determining what to do with our vacation time.


However, these differences can become a source of battles. Conflict or differences are not sinful. But, when conflicts turn into battles, we show our sinfulness. I am defining battles as the fights and wars that occur among us. Lets consider what James tells is the source of our wars.

James 4:1–2 (NKJV) 1Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? 2You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain.


According to this passage, the source of our fights and wars are our desires for pleasure, also called lusts and covetousness. This source is the same for nations, churches, and couples. When we arrive at an impasse in conflict, the source is our desires and lusts. In other words, our flesh or sin nature is the source. 


If we are going to make any progress in overcoming the battles in our relationships, we must start with ourselves. We must be humble enough to accept responsibility for our sin. 


Our first response in any disagreement is to justify ourselves, or, in other words, we all tend to be defensive. But herein lies a trap for communications. Believe it or not, when we get defensive and justify or defend ourselves, we subtly blame our partner. The statements I made up earlier, half in jest, demonstrate this. If you would respect me more, I would find it easier to love you,” accuses the other of being disrespectful, and in the process, avoids taking responsibility for my part. We are experts at avoiding our responsibility. We always have a justification for everything we do.


As long as we do not own our sin, we will remain stuck. We will not be able to move forward. The Bible tells us that God forgives our sins when we confess them. Confession must come first because we have to recognize the problem. 1John 1:9 says:

1 John 1:9 (NKJV) If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.


God requires confession because we must own our sin. I do not mean a simple, I am sorry.” Often we use, I am sorry,” to avoid any further discussion of what we have done. This is true of the battles in our marriages. The close proximity of our spouses gives them insight into our sins and weaknesses. We cannot hide them all. And being confronted with our sinfulness is painful. When confronted by our spouses, our first reaction is to be defensive.


Defensiveness is a way we can break down our relationships. The foundation of love and respect includes the humility spoke of in Ephesians 4:1-3. We must be humble and own our sin. Defensiveness is the opposite of humility.


The counterpart to defensiveness is criticism. Ephesians 4:1-3 tells us that we are to approach each other with gentleness and longsuffering. Criticism is the opposite of gentleness, it invites defensiveness, and it is destructive to our relationships. 


All relationships encounter differences that result in complaints. For my purposes today, I am defining complaints as behaviors or attitudes that become a problem. A complaint is something like, It makes me angry when you leave the toilet seat up.” Most complaints have to be addressed if the relationship is to remain healthy. Many complaints have to be addressed repeatedly, thus the need for longsuffering. Perpetual conflicts result in perpetual complaints. For example, suppose one prefers to stay home and the other likes to travel. In that case, differences will perpetually arise when planning for a vacation. Discussing differences is healthy until a complaint is presented as a criticism. When the toilet seat complaint becomes, Dont you know how to put the toilet seat down?” Or, You never put the toilet seat down!” It is a criticism, not a complaint. The difference is found in the I am angry” compared to You are a problem.” Criticism attacks the person and his or her value. Proverbs tells us:

Proverbs 15:1 (NKJV) A soft answer turns away wrath,

But a harsh word stirs up anger.


Criticism is the harsh word that proverbs is talking about and is the opposite of the gentleness and longsuffering Ephesians 4:1-3 calls for.


Endless volumes have been written on marriage and solving marriage problems. Many of these books focus on communication. While communication is a critical component, communication will not solve the problem if we do not have love. Love will motivate us to learn to communicate without criticism and demeaning language. But the absence of love will make even the best communication meaningless. Love is the foundation for the humility, gentleness, and longsuffering that Ephesians 4:1-3 calls for. Lets review what it says:

Ephesians 4:1–3 (NKJV) 1I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, 2with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.


The great Apostle Paul begs us, implores us, to walk worthy of the calling with which we were called. Please note that the remainder of this sentence has to do with how we treat each other. We are to humbly, gently, and patiently bear with each other in love. Compare this with how 1 Corinthians 13 describes how love behaves.

1 Corinthians 13:4–5 (NKJV) 4Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked...


The critical component of our treatment of each other is love. Love is behind all the teaching in Ephesians about how we are to treat each other. If we are to walk in a manner worthy of our calling, we must love each other. When Ephesians 5:21 tells us to submit to one another in fear of God, it tells us how to live worthy of our calling, and such submission is part of love.


Before Paul tells the husband to love and the wife to respect, he instructs us to submit to one another in fear of God. The word Ephesians 5:21 uses for fear, as in fear of God,” is the same word used in Ephesians 5:33 for respect.


Why should a wife fear her husband the way we are to fear God? First, we must recognize that we are all created in the image of God. 1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to grant honor to their wives as heirs together of the grace of life. In short, fear or reverence or respect is to be a part of all our relationships. We are all created in the image of God, and as many as have accepted Christ as Savior are children of God. Have you considered that the person you are fighting with has God as their Father? Do we think that God will not take the side of His son or daughter? This thought alone should inspire humility in how we speak to each other.


When harsh comments and criticisms start many of our conversations, and defensiveness characterizes our relationship, it feels like our spouse is our enemy. We end up biting and devouring each other. Ephesians 4:1-3 tells us we are to endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” This is why I emphasize the companionship of marriage. We must cultivate our friendship. When we do not, we give the devil opportunity. Ephesians 4:26-27 says,

Ephesians 4:26–27 (NKJV) 26Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27nor give place to the devil.


When we refuse to deal with conflicts in a healthy way, we give place to the devil. Conflict is unavoidable. Some conflicts will never go away, and this is not from a lack of love. However, battles are a symptom of sin. This does not mean that we cannot have strong differences of opinion, but we must not bite and devour each other. We must walk in a manner worthy of our calling, bearing with one another in love.


1 John Gottman and Nan Silver, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Three Rivers Press, New York, New York, 1999. pg 130.

Thursday, February 4, 2021

Companions



Malachi 2:13-16


At the end of the Old Testament, in the book of Malachi, God confronts His people, Israel, about a number of sins. One issue God addresses is divorce.


Malachi 2:13–16 (NKJV) 13And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14Yet you say, For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. 15But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16For the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers ones garment with violence,” Says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously.”


Malachi 2:13-16 reveals a lot about Gods view of marriage. Not the least of which is His hatred of the treachery of divorce. In explaining the reasons for His hatred, God reveals several truths about marriage. For example, verse 15 says, Did He not make them one.” Jesus repeats this idea of two being made one when He explains:

Matthew 19:6 (NKJV) So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”


The union that God creates is spiritual, and in Malachi 2, God points to this union when He repeats the warning, Take heed to your spirit.” Spiritual unity is an integral element in our understanding of marriage. We will continue to see it throughout our consideration of marriage. However, I want to focus on what God says about companionship. In Malachi 2:14, God uses two words related to friendship—one is positive, and one is negative.


These two words are treachery and companion.


First, Lets consider treachery. Treachery speaks of deceit and betrayal. Synonyms of treachery are:

betrayal, disloyalty, unfaithfulness, infidelity, duplicity, deceitfulness, backstabbing.


These words form a picture of treachery, and they also reflect the trust and intimacy of friendship. If trust and familiarity are not present, most of these words lose their meaning.


For example, consider the synonym betrayal.” We see the word betrayal used in reference to Judas’ act toward Jesus. In the garden, Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss. His treachery was foretold in the prophecy of Psalm 55.

Psalm 55:12–14 (ESV) 12For it is not an enemy who taunts me—then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—then I could hide from him. 13But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. 14We used to take sweet counsel together; within Gods house we walked in the throng.


Look at how the psalmist describes his betrayer—“my equal, my companion, my familiar friend.” All these words can be used to define companionship and are what God is indicating in Malachi 2 when He uses the word companion.” After describing companionship, the psalmist lists the activities the companions shared. They took sweet counsel together, they worshiped God together, and they walked together in the midst of the crowd. These indicate a familiarity and warmth of relationship only present in the closest of friendships. The close friendship and trust of the backstabber are what make betrayal painful and evil. If there were no trust, betrayal would not be possible. 


The other word Malachi 2:14 uses to describe the marriage relationship is companion.” The idea of companionship is behind the words of Genesis 2:18.

Genesis 2:18 (ESV) Then the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.


We should not interpret this word helper” to mean that the woman is subservient to the man. The word helper” is applied to God when the Bible says, God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1) Should we then interpret helper” in Genesis 2 as meaning the wife is to lord it over her husband? The “helper” that God  was fit” or comparable” to the man. The implication is that God created a companion. 


Some wedding vows and some Bible translations interpret Ephesians 5 as meaning that wives must obey their husbands. The Scriptures say, wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” However, Ephesians 5:21 says, ...submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Does this mean that we are to obey each other? Are we to do whatever the person sitting next to us tells us to do? Why not? The Bible says we are to submit to one another! Philippians 2 tells us to consider others as more important than ourselves. It also tells us to do nothing out of selfishness or vain conceit. Love means giving up self for the sake of the other, which requires the humility of submitting to each other, but not in the sense of obeying each other. We are to subordinate ourselves in preference for others.


The Bible teaches that the husband and wife are companions and commands each alternatively to love and to submit. These differing commands are because of fleshly tendencies that come as a result of the fall. Genesis 3:16 tells us that as a result of sin, the man will Lord it over the woman and that the womans desire will be for the man. By this, we understand that mens and womens sinful tendencies are generally different, not always, but generally. Thus, the different commands to love and to submit. One truth behind these commands is that the natural tendency of both is to control the other, but the method of control differs. As a result, many of our marriage problems are power struggles. Who will be in control?


The relationship between a husband and wife is to reflect the relationship of Christ and the Church. Christ gave His life for the Church, and we are called to take up our cross daily and follow Him—mutual dying to self. Consider what Jesus said to His disciples:

John 15:15 (NKJV) No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.


If anybody has the right to call us servants, the Lord Jesus has that right. I am His servant and want to be His servant, but He has called me His friend. It is shameful that I so often treat my wife as my servant instead of my companion and friend.


I recently read an account of a man who was shopping for a car. He found the vehicle he was looking for but told the owner that his wife wanted him to get it checked out by a mechanic before purchasing it. The owner scornfully asked, So you let your wife tell you what to do?” To which the man replied, I would not make such an important decision without my wifes input.” When the mechanic checked out the car, a defect was found that saved the man from making an expensive mistake.


Why would I not value the opinions of the companion with whom I share everything? And yet, so often, we discount what the other has to say. How long would you stay friends with someone uninterested in what you had to say? And yet we expect our wives to submit to us, or our husbands to love us?


One rule of friendship is our friends influence us. In Amos 3:3, God asks Israel a question that applies to the marriage relationship:

Amos 3:3 (NKJV) Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?


Agreement cannot be forced. Bullying someone to do it my way is not agreement. Manipulating someone to get what we want is not agreement. However, manipulating and bullying are common behaviors, even among friends, and these practices damage friendship. Because two cannot walk together without agreement.


We must learn to listen and communicate if we are to remain friends, and listening is the more important. We must care enough to listen. Proverbs 18:13 is a good reminder.

Proverbs 18:13 (NKJV) He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him.


Companionship and thus friendship was part of the original design of marriage. Lets review what Genesis 2:24 says:

Genesis 2:24 (NKJV) Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.


Consider with me the phrase ...shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. The Hebrew word for joined” is also translated hold fast” in other versions of the Bible. When Jesus quoted this passage, the Greek word He used means to be glued” together.


At one time, a couple of ladies with whom I was acquainted were together a lot. One of the ladys sons was a friend of mine, and in speaking of these ladies, he commented that they were glued together at the hip. For some reason, I had never heard that expression before, and so it stuck with me. I had this ridiculous picture of these two women stuck together and walking around.


If you are friends, being stuck together isnt so bad, but can you picture two cats with their tails tied together? Many of our marriages are too much like two cats tied together.


If your spouse is not your closest friend and companion, your marriage is not what it should be. This does not mean that one should not have outside friends and companions. The opposite is true. It is necessary and healthy that we should have outside friends and companions. The Lord commands that we are not to forsake the gathering of ourselves together. We are to fellowship with each other as believers. However, even in this, we must let our spouse, our closest companion, influence us.


I used to say to myself, Our marriage would be perfect if only my wife would .... (you fill in the blank).) However, nowhere in the Bible could I find a place where it told me to correct or fix my spouse. All the directions and commands I could find were directed to me. 


In any relationship, in any friendship, I have direct control over only one person—myself, and I am 100% responsible for my part. My spouse is never responsible for any of my actions or attitudes—ever. If your marriage lacks friendship and companionship, you are not responsible for what your partner does or does not do. But, you are responsible for what you do or do not do. Each of us must put our spouses needs before our own and choose to love and honor them as equal partners, joined together with us for our journey through life. To do otherwise is treachery and betrayal and the breaking of the promise we made.

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

What’s Love Got to Do with It?



In 1984, Tina Turner released the second biggest hit of the year, Whats Love Got to Do with It.” The world in which we live has lost the meaning of love, especially concerning the relationship between a man and a woman. The physical act of union is called making love,” but from what I see portrayed in entertainment, love does not have anything to do with it. The world in which we live is lost, hopelessly lost, in its understanding of the marriage relationship. Much of this confusion has worked its way into the Church. Disagreements on a broad range of subjects from sex before marriage, cohabitation, divorce, and abortion should not surprise us since everybody is their own authority. I find the pooh-poohing of what God says to be disturbing.


Everybody has their opinion, especially on this subject. However, I ask that you consider what the Bible has to say. My opinion is not better than yours, but both my opinion and your opinion need to be subject to the Bible. Examine the Bible, and see what it has to say. If the Bible is the Word of God, and it is, then we can trust it on any subject. 


Over the weeks leading up to Valentines Day, I intend to look at what the Bible says about marriage. By doing this, I hope to improve our marriages and answer the confusion that the world is continually pushing on our children and us. First, I will look at how marriage came to be, and in doing this, I am going to give a part of the answer to the question, Whats Love Got to Do with It.” 


Marriage is Gods idea. He established it. As we look at this fact, we will understand the sacredness of the relationship between a husband and wife. Our starting place is in the first chapter of the Bible. In Genesis 1:27, it says that in the beginning, God created male and female. Look with me at Genesis 1:27.

Genesis 1:27 (NKJV) So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.


When God made the world and all that is in it, He also created people. Humanity started with two people - a man and a woman. This man and woman were created in Gods image. No other creature was made in the image of God. Horses, dogs, monkeys, and all other animals are not made in Gods likeness. These creatures are splendid examples of what God can do, and as Gods creations, they have His fingerprints all over them, and they show how great God is. However, they do not bear His image. 


After saying that man was created in Gods image, Genesis 1:27 says, ...male and female He created them.” In this context, the word man” is used in its inclusive historical sense and refers to both biological genders. The passage clarifies this by the statement ...male and female He created them.” The clear message of the passage is that both man and woman bear the image of God. Biological differences do not mean one is more like God. The Bible makes this clear when it says:

Galatians 3:27–29 (NKJV) 27For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. 28There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29And if you are Christs, then you are Abrahams seed, and heirs according to the promise.


The creation of men and women in the image of God is the starting place for understanding marriage, the sacredness of marriage, and what love has to do with it.


In contrast to what the Bible tells us about God creating the world and all that is in it, schools worldwide teach that all living things came into being through evolution. According to this theory, humans are nothing more than intelligent animals. Starting with this premise, Gods image, or likeness, is not part of the equation. There is no image of God. God is irrelevant if He is acknowledged at all. Some say God does not exist. However, influenced by the philosophy of this world, many live as if God does not exist.


Not acknowledging God and the image of God in man and woman is the source of the confusion concerning the relationship between men and women. If people are no more than animals, then the relationship between men and women is purely physical and meant for reproduction and the survival of the species. According to this way of thinking, marriage is a social construct that may or may not benefit the species by ensuring its offspring's safety, and making love” is a euphemism that sounds nicer than the vulgar slang words that are used to describe it. Love has nothing to do with it.


As long as we do not acknowledge God, confusion will reign. We must remember what Provers 1:7 says.

Proverbs 1:7 (NKJV) The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction.


The starting place for understanding love and marriage is knowledge of God, His purpose in creating marriage, and His standard of love. Lets consider what God says about His design for making love.”


What we call making love,” the Bible calls knowing.” Genesis 3:1 says:

Genesis 4:1 (NKJV) Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain...


The text uses the word know” to indicate the nature of what happened between Adam and Eve. The Bible is not avoiding calling it what it is. It is defining what it is. For example, we use the word bathroom to indicate a natural process instead of using more explicit language. The process can be disgusting, and we do not want to create a picture of the process in our minds. So, we use a more pleasant idea to redirect our imaginations and yet communicate our meaning. This is not what the Scriptures are doing. The author is not avoiding a picture. The Bible is directing our minds to the truth of what happens between a husband and wife. 


Just before telling us that Adam knew his wife, the Bible says: 

Genesis 2:23–24 (NKJV) 23And Adam said:

This is now bone of my bones

And flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called Woman,

Because she was taken out of Man.”


24Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.


Adam said:

This is now bone of my bones

And flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called Woman,

Because she was taken out of Man.


In English, Adams acknowledgment does not display poetic rhythm, but this text was originally written in Hebrew, and in Hebrew, Adams words are a poem. 


Following Adams poem, the Bible says:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.


The speaker changes with this sentence and the voice of the narrator takes over. When He says, Therefore,” He means for this reason.” The word therefore” tells us the author wants us to draw a particular conclusion, or meaning, from Adams statement. Man and woman are made out of the same stuff. They are the same flesh. Therefore, they can be united in a way that no other creature can. Animals relate on a purely biological basis. They do not know” each other. But, it is different in the man-woman relationship — a one flesh” connection is formed. 


Biological functions are not necessarily good or evil. Eating is a biological function that can be pleasant or unpleasant depending on what is being eaten, and it can be good or bad depending on how it is used. Some biological functions, such as going to the bathroom, are repulsive by nature even though they are not morally wrong.


However, the joining of a man and woman is much more than a biological function. The Bible calls it knowing,” and between a husband and wife, it is good, very good. God said so when He created it. But, conversely, outside of marriage, it is bad, very bad. The Bible tells us:

Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV) Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.


According to this passage, God blesses the marriage relationship but condemns those who put their biological urges before Gods design. Sex outside of marriage violates the sacredness of marriage. The marriage relationship is sacred because of the image of God in man and the uniting of two into one. Ignoring the purpose of marriage in this way does great damage both to individuals and society.


The Lord tells us:

1 Corinthians 6:16–18 (NKJV) 16Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For the two,” He says, shall become one flesh.” 17But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.

18Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.


What God creates functions as it was designed to function. Thus, if Adam and Eve had eaten fruit from the Tree of Life, they would have lived forever. So, God blocked their access to the tree to prevent this. According to 1 Corinthians 6, even a joining as casual as a business transaction has the effect it was designed for. For this reason, every other sin is considered external, but immorality is in a class all by itself.


I know that most of us know this stuff. But, I also know that most of us are not careful enough in what we allow our eyes and minds to do in the presence of the opposite sex. And, we know that these things are not innocent or harmless. Still, others who are listening may be living together. If this is you, God says that if we confess our sins, He will forgive us. So, recognize the seriousness of your situation and make it right. Either break it off or marry each other, but do not act as if it doesnt matter. God says it matters.


The Bible is clear about how we are to treat each other. We are commanded to love our neighbor as ourselves. We are told to treat others as more important than ourselves. Using each other to satisfy our desires sexually violates both of these commands. Sex is not love. Giving ones life for the other is love. Love protects and provides. Love sacrifices self. In marriage, love provides the protection and environment for a man and woman to be united. Outside of marriage, there is no safety or protection, but we only hurt each other.


I know this is an old-fashioned way of thinking, but what is love?


Instead of defining love, I will quote for you what the Lord tells us love does.

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 (NKJV) 4Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.


If we love each other, we will do these things for each other. That is what love has to do with it. Most of our marriages have problems because we do not do these things for each other. The uniting into one flesh has not failed. It always works according to design. Our failures in marriage can be condensed down to one cause - a failure to love. Love has everything to do with it.

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